Twilight Turned to Dusk
by Onyx Orchid
Summary: ON HIATUS - Set after New Moon. Edward never returns and Bella is left to cope with her life. Alone. In the aftermath of her vampire family leaving and her human family gone she struggles with her new life. Who will pick up the pieces?
1. Prefase

**Preface**

"_..give it to someone special.._ - That was the eternal classic by Wham coming to you from WCRX – wishing you all a Merry Christmas! My name is Mik-"

Groaning loudly I smacked my alarm clock and slipped the covers over my face. It was the 21st of December. The amount of hours I had succeed in getting of restful and peaceful sleep were in the single digits. I now knew that my ceiling consisted of 84 flaws in the wood. I knew that the windows would need cleaning soon, and I had mentally written the grocery list for the next week. That wasn't a new thing for me I'm afraid. Since that day. Since the day my heart was broken - I haven't slept.

The nightmares would push and pull me back to that place. Still standing in the woods. Alone. I started running. I knew I was looking for something, frantically I would be looking around. Hours would pass until it would dawn on me; No one is there. I'm alone.

Alone.

3 years. 3 years it has been since that day when the world as I knew it came to an end. My world shattered along with my heart and I knew I would never be the same.

I would have recovered if it hadn't happened. I_ will _recover some day.

I loved my mother fiercely. She always had this childish way about her, that drew everyone in and her smile would light up a room. Her harebrained ways would always drag me and everyone else in her life into a quest, a new hobby or class we simply had to participate in. I never knew that the one quest that would be the most beneficial to her family - the one to bring us the close together - would be the one that ended it all. The one that brought me back to that day in the woods.

Alone.

In many ways I'm happy it happened and in many ways I'm not. If she hadn't insisted that Charlie, Sue and I should travel to Florida for Christmas with her and Phil, then I wouldn't be alone. But the smile on Charlie's face, the joy radiating from my Mother. It was priceless. It was worth it. Almost.

I closed my eyes for a second and saw them. The bright twinkle in my fathers eyes when he looked at Sue. That twinkle that made him suddenly look like the man Reneé had fallen in love with and married right out of High School. The spark of friendship rekindled between my parents. The hug my mother gave me when we stepped out of the car. I could feel my lips curving into a soft smile remembering that day. The day we all became a whole family in some way. The day I will always remember as one of the best in my life. The day my world was shattered for the second time in a year. A dry sob strangled itself free from my throat and I twisted the sheets between my fingers. _No_

The warm picture of a bright and warm Christmas day morphed into something else. Something dark. Something I'll never forgive myself for. A flash of red hair was the only thing I ever saw. But I knew. I knew what had happened and I knew it was my fault. I was my fault for moving to Forks. I was my fault for falling for _him_. For not being strong enough to stay in that Hotel with _them. _For ever knowing about the Cold Ones.

The dry sob turned into dry heaving and I curled my fingers tighter together, my knuckles complaining at the pressure.

Alone.

I took a deep breath and slipped myself into a tight ball underneath my covers. One hand curling around my knees, digging into my skin. The other slipping out of the warmth and into the top drawer of my nightstand where I keep my pills for days such as this. Especially for days such as this.

If my parents could see me now. If _he_ knew what I have become. I am sure he would have run away faster than he did if he knew what I would become in time.

Lying in bed for another hour, recounting the knots and flaws in the ceiling, I felt myself slowly starting to feel like myself again.

Or at least what was left of me.

**From childhood's hour I have not been  
As others were — I have not seen  
As others saw — I could not bring  
My passions from a common spring —  
From the same source I have not taken  
My sorrow — I could not awaken  
My heart to joy at the same tone —  
And all I lov'd — I lov'd alone —  
**_**Then**_** — in my childhood — in the dawn  
Of a most stormy life — was drawn  
From ev'ry depth of good and ill  
The mystery which binds me still —  
From the torrent, or the fountain —  
From the red cliff of the mountain —  
From the sun that 'round me roll'd  
In its autumn tint of gold —  
From the lightning in the sky  
As it pass'd me flying by —  
From the thunder, and the storm —  
And the cloud that took the form  
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)  
Of a demon in my view —**

Edgar Allen Poe


	2. Chapter 1: The Past

**A/N:** This is sort of a reflective chapter, catching things up and setting the stage. I know it is probably not very interesting, but since it kind of spins the original story I felt that I should have sort of an introduction. The second chapter will explain more about what happened to Bella's family. Don't be too confused by the name change. It will all be explained in the next chapter.

**Chapter 1: The Past**

Over the years I have truly begun to believe in fate in many ways. Fate has brought me many things and have taken many away. If there is anything experience has taught me, it is that everything happens for a reason.

Even the bad parts.

4 years ago my life changed drastically. It was my junior year in High School and I was 17 years old at the time. To anyone who just moves through life naive of the horrors of the world, it sounds pretty ordinary and perhaps even slightly boring.

Wrong.

That year I left my home in Phoenix and went to live with my dad, Charlie.

I went from a quiet life in Phoenix where I was a small blip on the radar to being the biggest news in a tiny town, the source of gossip and the subject of lust for the male student body (or so I was informed). I still have trouble with understanding that last one.

I never belonged in Phoenix - I was invisible - but Forks was not that much better. Everyone wanted to know me and craved something different, but except for a few people - no one really knew the real me.

They created an image of the 'new girl' that fit their own outlook on things.

Looking back I suppose I was acting somewhat like a martyr. I 'sacrificed' myself to ensure my mothers happiness.

I was young.

::::::

The second change came when I was suddenly thrust into a family I did not expect.

Family has, to me, always been about other people.

Reneé was always the child. She needed a voice of reason to steer her away from the more perilous hobbies and experiences she insisted on trying out. I paid the bills, made sure her car was detailed and even made sure that she always had her keys and a freshly charged cellphone in case she needed to get a hold of me.

I went from being her little sister as a young child, to her friend, caretaker and confidant as I grew older. I know that I was often amused by her antics and I fiercely loved my mother, but in reality I really had to grow up too fast.

Meeting Phil saved her. He took care of her and made sure my free spirited mother did not get into trouble and I adored him for it. She was in love and she was taken care of.

My mind was at ease.

Charlie was a whole different kind game. He knew how to take care of himself, but he was still very much in love with my mother and her leaving him had made a big impact on him. He went through the motions of living, but somehow he never left his bubble. He ate the same food, went to work and came home to his empty house and watched sports on the flat screen, occasionally breaking his routine with a fishing trip.

I changed life for him slightly. Suddenly his home had life and he had someone to speak to other than his life long friends and fishing buddies from the reservation.

I had another purpose, but I was never really the daughter that I should be. I was a caretaker again.

::::::

The Cullen's opened my eyes to another way of life and until it was taken from me I finally had a place to belong and people who understood me.

Esme and Carlisle were the parents I never had. They took me into their family and took care of me, cared for me, listened and gave advise when I had problems and patched me up when I had one of my clumsy moments.

I had siblings in the form of Emmett and Alice and even Rosalie and Jasper made space in their lives as the human girlfriend of their brother.

Edward. Words cannot explain how it felt to be wanted. To feel special. To belong to someone.

::::::

When my life and the future I had envisioned for myself was taken away and I was pushed back into my former life I broke down.

I lived my life on the outside for my parents and for the few friends I had outside of the Cullen family, but I allowed myself to mourn at night. The darkness would creep in on me and the tears would constantly flow, I let the pain take me. But in the days I would shut it all down for them. I took care of them, so they would not worry.

I took care of them.

_After Edward left me in the woods that day I was devastated. I felt my heart break with each cold word he barked at me, crumbling my already fragile spirit. _

_He left me standing there alone in the woods, tears streaming down my face – my heart in pieces._

_After I finally gave up trying to catch up with him I fell to the ground, lying there for a long time. I lost all semblance of time, but when the sky started darkening, I realized that I should try and pick myself up and go back. _

_For Charlie. He would panic if I disappeared and would most likely send out a search party for me._

_I gathered myself up off the ground and started stumbling my way back through the dense undergrowth. I never noticed how far I had attempted to follow him, but I cursed under my breath several times as I tried to find my way back. _

_Who tries to follow a vampire?_

_I picked my book bag out of the bed of my ancient truck and let myself into the house, the clock telling me that I should find something to cook for dinner and went into the kitchen. For a second I thought that Charlie had beaten me home when I found a note resting on the counter, but the messy scrawl so like my own confused me. _

_Then it hit me._

_He was anticipating my heartbreak and my feeble attempt to follow him. Maybe Alice had even told him I would get lost in the woods. I could not believe it. He knew and he still left me there. _

_I crumbled the letter in my hand and threw it away and started dinner for Charlie. _

_When he came home he could tell I was unhappy, and asked how I was holding up. I almost laughed when he asked me if I would be visiting Edward in LA next time I had a break from school. _

_Sunny California._

_That would be the last place they would go, but the cover they had told the community was solid and also a quiet way of telling me that I would never see them again. Just like Edward wanted. _

_The next few weeks were difficult, but I somehow managed. The gossip mill was having a field day and Jessica was constantly trying to get me alone so she could feed her own and the schools hunger for details on the elusive Cullen family and their sudden departure. _

_I stuck close to Angela and her quiet support and mourned in silence. _

_It was painful to be cast aside, but in those quiet moments of reality I knew that we would never have lasted. I was never enough for him. _

_Fragile ordinary human with a silence he craved and a scent that made his demon roar with glee._

_He was constantly monitoring my life and pushing me into things and moments that I resented. Somehow I think he was obsessed with the mystery of my silent mind, the scent of my blood and his own ability to control his own demon from taking what it wanted. He never loved me. _

_In reality I just missed belonging._

_I truly thought I had found love, a family that understood me and a place in the world, but it was not to be._

_I was almost grateful that Edward had taken all mementos from my room with him. I would probably in time have rid myself of them anyway. It was confusing, because I was so scared to remember it. The memories tore at my heart and threatened to break me completely, but forgetting terrified me even more. I kept them close to my heart, only allowing myself to bask in the past when I was hiding in my room at night. _

_The worst part was the nightmares. I found myself waking in cold sweat, a silent scream on my lips from recurring nightmares that plagued even my waking hours. _

I mourned the love and family I had lost and spent a lot of time in quiet contemplation both in the first few months after my birthday, and in the hospital after Christmas that same year. I had nothing to do while I was healing but think of both of the families that were taken from me.

_Christmas would never be the same after that year. The year that broke and killed Isabella Marie Swan._

_I hated the group therapy times, but it also brought me to Chandler. A very skinny man with a round face and kind eyes, who made my disappearance possible. I still do not know how, but somehow Isabella Marie Swan had died and my new identity was resting in my pocket, packed inside a manila envelope._

_It was both the best and worst Christmas of my life, as it finally created the family I longed for, but it was also taken from me so quickly, that I hardly had time to enjoy it._

More things to contemplate in silence while my body mended itself.

How would my life had turned out if I had never come across the family of golden eyed creatures who were so alluring to me? Would I have come across James, Victoria and Laurent even if I had not? What if I had stayed with Jasper instead of running from him that day in Phoenix?

I should have know he would have attempted to kill us both if did indeed have my mother. By then I should have know.

There is no either or with vampires. Only first and second.

Could fate have smiled on me if I the events on my birthday had never occurred? Would I have somewhere I belonged still? Could I have done something different on my eighteenth birthday, or should Alice have seen it coming?

My own faults are and have always been something I knew of. I am clumsy and I am a trouble magnet. I know this.

::::::

Alice.

Oh Alice. Her visions and the decisions we make to alter the future. Which decision did we make that brought us on the path we took and how could she not have seen it? And if she did, why did she not see fit to stop it?

I have dissected that night so many times that I lost count of the years, but I never blamed Jasper.

He had many things against him in that moment. I still did not know much about him, but I do know that he has never tried to hurt me. Quite the opposite really. He was always quiet and tried to keep his distance, because he knew his own limitations.

Somehow I also think that out of all the Cullen's, he was the one who was the most like myself. He seemed most comfortable outside of the bustle of life and just enjoyed observing. On the fringe, away from the scrutiny of others, and the attention.

He was the newest to the way of life the family had adopted from their leader and as such kept his distance from me. He watched over me in Phoenix as much as he could and attempted to make it bearable for me to be in the situation I was thrust into by covering me in as many peaceful emotions as he could without smothering me. Even if his empathic powers made my panic unpleasant for him.

Empathy.

I believe that was his true downfall on that day. I knew it from the moment those obsidian eyes of his met mine right before he started moving towards me.

He could feel them all.

The key I believe is blood lust multiplied and the empath stuck in the middle. I overwhelmed him. I know this because he stopped.

I saw his body go rigid, his breathing stopping and I saw him start to take a step back. I do not know what happened to him, but I saw him holding his breath the moment I looked up after the skin on my finger was sliced on that paper. What happened to him between stepping back and my body suddenly being flung through the air I have no clue, but those eyes went from fearful but composed to wild and unresponsive in less than two seconds.

Blame

I have come to pass the majority of the blame on _Him_. He knew.

Otherwise I would never have been pushed in such a way. His ability must have been what triggered his reaction. That was the revelation that year. He should have known. He should have given a sign to the rest of them instead of making it worse.

If I was indeed 'Worth it' like Jasper told me in a hotel room years ago, then how could it all have happened in such a way, and how could they leave me?

_My name is Veronica Marie Penn, and this is my story._


	3. Chapter 2: Of all things Double

**A/N: **Finally I put the first true chapter into production. I hope ya'll like OC's cause I've got a bunch in this chapter and a few of them will be regulars.

I love reviews and constructive criticism. They feed my muse.

I know I know.. Ya'll are waiting for the Texan. Give me a few chapters, cause it will be a slow build and burn. I know you want the lemony goodness right away, but I need the story to build first. Never fear, I have almost finished the first chapter from Jazz's perspective, so I am just waiting for them to run into each other. -grins-

**Chapter 2: Of all Things Double**

Music. Of all things it would be music that brought my life into a brighter light than the dim dusk it had been spinning in for so long. And who have thought I would be happier than I ever thought possible, that I would be brought back on the path I was on once?

Not I, that's for sure.

It all started on my birthday of all things. Yes, I know what you're thinking. How could a day that had once "ruined my life"- to use a completely adolescent phrase - be the thing that cleared everything up once more? I'll tell you: it all comes down to double trouble. Or the "matching pair" if you will.

~*~

Getting out of bed is always difficult for a person such as myself, but it helps to have something to look forward to. To be excited about. And I suddenly did. They showed me how. They let me lean on them and they leaned on me. Give and take. As it should be.

I try to stick to my routine in the morning as experience had taught me that by giving myself free range I will start to think too much and that leads to nothing good, so I make an effort not to stray too much.

This particular morning was the day before my birthday and I was spending the day with friends, so when my alarm clock went off I just shut it off and stretched. Some mornings it _is_ more tempting to attempt assassination on that particularly sadistic device, but I try my best.

With a light sleepy groan escaping my lips I pushed my covers off and climbed out, stumbling towards the bathroom. Maybe I should have opened my eyes, but somehow my brain had forgotten to relay that message to my face, so I stumbled in more than my usual klutzy matter and rammed my knee into the dresser next to the bathroom door. The pain was not bad, but it was more the crash that followed that startled me. Fearing I had broken something I dropped to one knee and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, so I could survey the damage.

I felt a smile tugging at my lips as soon as my gaze fell on what had fallen.

Ladon and Dray. The matching pair.

My apartment is of course full of pictures of my boys, but this is the first - the original picture of the three of us together. With a soft sigh and a tiny breathy snicker I picked up the frame and stuffed it on the dresser since no damage was done and I continued my path towards the bathroom.

I quickly shed my wife beater and sleep pants and threw them in the hamper. As always I attempted to not look at myself in the mirror on the way past the sink and turned on the water. I stepped in and gratefully welcomed the soothing heat of the water as I let it flow in rivulets down my tense body.

While the hot spray was steadily unknotting my muscles and relaxing me into mush I started thinking about my boys and how we met. It was both a horrible day but it also brought about some changes that brought me happiness.

It changed with double trouble.

~*~

_September 13 – 2010_

My birthday.

A source of many things, both good and bad. It has been a source of change in other ways than my age. Especially on the night of my eighteenth birthday.

One drop of blood was all it took to send my life spiraling out of the orbit it was comfortably in. It set things in motion and looking back today I find myself wondering if my life had turned out differently if I had been more careful, if I had stood firm and resisted Alice, even if I had never met the family I had once believed I would be a part of.

It all comes down to one single drop of blood and rash reactions.

Jasper

I never did blame him and on that day I allowed myself to send a thought the Cullens and Hales.

It didn't hurt as much as it usually did, because my thoughts did not stray to my former boyfriend or the best friend I only had for such a short time. It went to the one person in this world I believed blamed themselves for what happened on that fateful day.

He should not.

I should have been watching what I was doing. I should have remembered that vampires are creatures that are easily tempted by even the smallest thing.

Such as a single drop of blood.

But on that day, three years later, I did not pass blame nor did I think of the moments that had inspired the creeping darkness in my dreams. I even later allowed myself to just reflect and smile softly remembering the good times.

The way Alice's eyes would twinkle when she wanted to go shopping, the soft bounce in her step and the indulgent soft smile on Jaspers lips when she spoke a mile a minute. The adoration and joy emanating from Esme when she would bustle about in the kitchen trying to recall recipes she used when she was human and needed to cook. Carlisle's passion for his work and his never ending compassion. The booming laughter and larger than life personality that is Emmett and how that would bring a light smile on Rosalie's lips when she thought no one was looking.

But when my thoughts strayed to _Him_ I knew I had to take my memories and lock them away.

I snuffed out my cigarette and went into the bathroom to start getting ready. On my 21st birthday I had decided to try and enjoy a night in the outside world for a change and to drown my first day as a legal adult in the sounds of good music and my first round of drinks. It was Friday night and I felt like trying something new. That, as it turned out, was the choice that brought me to the worst night of that year and also the best additions to my otherwise lukewarm existence.

That night I took a quick shower, slapped on some eyeliner and mascara, slipped in my contacts and decided to leave my hair down. I had dyed my hair black sometime the year before and it just stuck. While _that_ night had left many physical marks on me, my hair was somewhat of a choice.

The depression and panic had brought on a classic moody, brooding Gothic period of my life after I left the hospital. The remaining part of my hair had been chopped into a shoulder length crooked bob with bangs that swept across my left eye. Pitch black with silver highlights and I loved it. It left the unmarred part of my skin look the color of fresh milk and it just suited me somehow.

Donning my usual outfit of tight skinny jeans, knee-high boots, long sleeved t-shirt and my black hoodie I made my way down town. It was windy as usual, but at least the temperature was still somewhat warm, so I decided to forgo a jacket. I quickly slipped my keys and credit card in my pocket, my earplugs were in my ears and my Ipod safely stuffed inside my hoodie and was out the door towards a bar I had seen on a flier earlier that week.

That was the night my life had officially gone full circle when I found myself face to face with a situation so much like what I had experienced in Port Angeles that it almost started hysterical laughter bubbling out of me.

I started walking towards the main street, but was startled when suddenly felt like I was being watched. You know that feeling when it prickles on the back of your neck. I shook out my hair and fanned it across my face like a curtain and tried to hide like I had done so many times before.

Turning my head in a slight angle I saw a tall figure moving behind me and I picked up my pace a little going towards the blissful light of the main street up ahead. I felt the panic starting to bubble in my throat and I clutched my pocket, rubbing the tiny emergency pill box I had in my pocket.

Luck was with me and I saw the bar up ahead so I made certain that the street was clear of cars and sprinted across to safety.

I slipped next to the door, giving the large block of a man by the door a small smile. Leaning against the wall I tried to calm my breathing, letting the fright drain from my system and shook out a cigarette from my crumpled pack of Marlboro lights. I started slightly when the bouncer leaned in to light it for me, but I gave him a nod and a smile in appreciation none the less.

Minutes later I was snuffing it out on the bottom of my boot and pushed off the wall to pay my first visit to _Haze_.

I immediately loved the place. I had the feel of cozy atmosphere, comfortable seating and classic rock that just makes me feel at home. It had a large circular bar in the middle with stools all around it, a stage off to the right of the room and groupings of chairs, booths and beanbag chairs all over the room. I could easily see myself there in the daytime when the place served coffee and just curling up with a good book in one of the plush chairs scattered around the room enjoying a latte. I found a chair at the bar just as the bartender turned my way.

"Hi I'm Des, I'll be responsible for your alcohol supply this evening. Whatcha having?"

She was a tiny cute blond sprite that reminded me of a mixture between Rosalie and Alice. She was just the right mixture between beautiful and sarcastically bitchy combined with bouncy and full of a delightful energy.

"Hey, I'm Veronica, call me Ronnie."

She beamed when I told her that it was my birthday and I would be having my first ever drink and she mixed up something colorful, telling me it was on her since I gave her the honor of being my first bartender. It turned out she was the owners sister and she welcomed me warmly before she had to run off to the next customer across the bar.

I felt comfortable. The people were laid back, the music was great and I felt the tension go out of my body as I put my feet up on the next stool, leaned against the bar and started singing softly along with the music while I sipped my first Tequila Sunrise.

The drink was sweet and tasty and not at all as unpleasant as I thought it might be so I decided that Des would not only be my first bartender but she would be my only bartender if I had anything to do with it.

I spent a couple of hours enjoying the murmur of voices around the room, the music going from one song to the next and ordered a few more drinks while I had fun with the quick playful banter between Des and her brother, which she sometimes included me in. I did not say much, but I could tell that she wanted to make me relax and feel welcome and if she minded that I did not speak much, she did not let it on.

Around 11 the lights came on the stage and the music from the jukebox turned off. A soft acoustic guitar started playing random notes. I gave Des a questioning look, but she just grinned and motioned with her head to pay attention to the stage.

Suddenly a tall, lean blond man holding a guitar stepped onto the stage. He was absolutely gorgeous. White blond hair that hung in long tresses framing his angular face. A strong jaw, pointed nose and soft pink lips curled into a fiendish crooked grin as his piercing silver eyes met mine. He stepped aside to let another man onto the stage and my jaw dropped.

There was two of them.

The mirror image of the tall blond stepped up to the Mic just as the first one started playing a familiar song. My cheeks started to burn as they both turned their eyes my way.

"You know it doesn't make much sense  
There ought to be a law against  
Anyone who takes offense  
At a day in your celebration  
'Cause we all know in our minds  
That there ought to be a time  
That we can set aside  
To show just how much we love you  
And I'm sure you will agree  
It couldn't fit more perfectly  
Than to have a world party on the day you came to be"

The chorus rung through the bar and I ducked my head when the entire room started singing along. They looked directly at me the entire song, but thankfully no one noticed. I would have been mortified if I had been subjected to the attention of a whole room full of strangers.

They played for a few hours, a mix of classic rock and new numbers that lifted my spirits higher. I found myself singing quietly along to many of the songs and even rocking back and forth on my stool in a seated dance.

Later I left the bar for a few moments and after a quick trip to use the facilities and another trip outside to take advantage of the bouncers lighter, I returned to find a new drink on the table in front of my stool, so I sat down and flashed a quick smile to Des in thanks. She smiled easily and turned her head quickly to answer a question and I lifted the glass to my lips.

I never tasted it.

A pair of long, pale, very warm fingers wrapped softly around my wrist and gently pulled the glass away. A soft accented voice that reminded me of dark melted chocolate sounded to the left of me.

"I don't think you want to have that drink luv"

I turned my head and my eyes met a pair of startling silver ones. The blond from the stage was standing there, perfectly at ease with a gentle smile on his face. I arched an eyebrow in question, but started to put the glass down all the same.

"Trust me, you do not want to drink something you did not order and you did not see being made." said another voice that sounded from my right making me start and accidentally drop the drink and it spilled all over the counter.

Again I was met with bright silver eyes as I snapped my face around.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Des!" I turned my startled and apologetic gaze to Des, who just smiled softly and started wiping the counter with a rag.

"Dray, Ladon! Stop scaring off my customers!" Her face was stern, but her eyes were laughing, so I assumed that I was not the first one to be subjected to a double attack. I grabbed the glass and handed it to Des.

"Lemme wash out your hoodie sweetheart, it seems to have soaked up that stuff. It's gonna get sticky and it's gonna stain, trust me I know. " Des grinned and held out her hand, but my hand flew to my collar, grabbing my zipper and I shook my head.

"That's OK Des. I'll live." I said, giving her a tentative smile. I pushed back the panic and breathe in a out for a few moments.

She threw the rag into a basket and nodded. "Alright then. We'll be closing up in a little bit anyways, so unless you're planning on finding another bartender, then I suppose it'll be going in the laundry soon anyhow."

I smiled at her and jumped off the stool. "I gotta get home anyways. I'll see you soon. You _are_ my personal bartender now! My one and only!"

Beaming she blew me a kiss and with a parting "Happy Birthday!" from the sprite I grinned and started leaving the room.

Then I remembered the matching guys. I turned and smiled at the two gorgeous men who were standing shoulder to shoulder looking at me with gentle eyes.

"Thank you for the song boys!" I stepped up and gave them both a soft kiss on the cheek. "And for saving me from myself."

I slipped my ear buds in, turning around and stumbled slightly across the room to the door, looking over my shoulder I waved quickly before passing through completely.

I started walking and was halfway down the street, when the prickling sensation at the back of my neck started again. I did not have a chance to turn around this time, as I was suddenly grabbed roughly by the arm and pulled into an alleyway. The cord from my Ipod snagged on my arm and it crashed to the ground right before I was slammed face first against a wall.

"We gotta keep quiet out here Chéri. Otherwise someone might hear." the voice was low and ghosted over my ear like a shadow, making me shudder and my body go rigid.

Time stood still when I was forcefully turned and I came face to face with someone I never thought I would see again.

Laurent.

He looked confused for a moment as he looked me over and suddenly recognition flooded his features.

"Now. Victoria will be very disappointed when she hears that her little inferno did not take you. I am sure you know what I am talking about."

I shuddered again as cold fingers wrapped around my neck and closed my eyes, trying not to block out the person before me. But I was not rewarded with the darkness I was seeking. No. Flashes of my fathers blank eyes staring up at me, smoke burning in my throat and lungs as the fire consumed my mothers house, the flames licking up my back and shoulders, down my arm, the smell of burning flesh and the deafening sound of sirens.

My eyes flashed open and was met with deep maroon and an evil smirk. "Perhaps I should just let her stay in that belief, hmmm? You smell so different Chéri. You were delicious before, but how lovely your scent is now. It is mouth watering."

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but he flexed his fingers, cutting off my air. "Now, I don't know how you feel, but I like privacy and this place does not allow me to enjoy your pretty screams after I have tasted you."

He pushed his body flush with mine and I could tell just how excited he was about the prospect of draining me dry. I would have gagged if I could and I felt panic rise attempting to bubble over.

When he leaned over and starting skimming his nose along my neck I went limp.

I cannot remember when I started doing this, but it has become a defense mechanism and I have used it many times.

I hide.

I crawl inside myself and hide. No one can touch me here. It is dark, and warm and I can hug my arms around myself and listen to small quiet songs while I hide.

I was pulled out of my descend to the dark when I suddenly fell and sprawled on the ground, scraping my hands on the rough pavement. A high keening sound, like ripping metal and smell of sickly sweet burning incense invaded my senses right before I was picked up and cradled against a warm body. A soothing voice melted across my ear in a way that made me relax and take a long awaited breath. "Schhhh.. it's OK darling. Take deep breaths and relax. I've got you luv. We've got you."

I curled up and tried to still the shaking of my body while I reassured myself that at least I would not be taken by Laurent. A soothing hand rubbed up and down my back and I opened my eyes trying to look at my savior. Silver met my eyes yet again that night and I took a long shuddering breath at the beauty before me. High cheekbones, pointed nose, soft almost white blond hair falling into an angelic face with porcelain white skin.

"There she is. She's alright Dray."

I blinked rapidly when my savior turned and I was brought face to face with his mirror image. Dark smoke billowed behind him as he turned and looked up flashing a soft smile my way.

"You match.."

I croaked stupidly and the result was a rumble of crooning laughter vibrating from the chest I was curled up against. An identical laughter came from in front of me and it brought a smile to my face.

The matching pair.

"Now. How about we go back to the bar and get you cleaned up, get you some water-"

"-rest up a little and then we can have a chat. We're sure you have questions."

"We know we do. What do-"

"-you say, luv?"

It was like trying to watch a tennis match. Their voices were almost as identical as their appearance, but where one sounded like soft like melted chocolate, the other was like warm caramel. Hysterical laughter tried to bubble up in my throat but I pushed it back in favor of a soft nod and a smile.

"Thank you.. I.. don't.. I.. Thank you.." I stuttered and winced a bit when my throat throbbed.

"Schhh.. sweetheart.. Don't try to talk yet-"

"-it's going to be sore for a while.. just relax and we'll-"

"- take care of you"

While they spoke I closed my eyes and listened to their voices. Melted chocolate, caramel and a soft breeze on a hot day. That is what they sounded like. Soothing and comfortable.

I let myself be swept away towards the bar and I found myself nodding off slightly before we even got to the door. The one not carrying me knocked on the closed door and waved at Des' brother who opened the door.

"Hey Dray, I thought you guys went.... Oh my god, what happened?!"

"Don't worry Jaze, she's just a bit shaken. Can we take her in for a rest before we get her home? Maybe a glass of water?"

"Oh off course! Des!! Bring me a glass of water sis! Hurry!"

"Don't worry, I'm fine.. Don't fuss over me so much" I managed to whisper before I was carried across the room and into one of the booths in the back of the room.

I was sandwiched between the twins and a glass of water was deposited on the table in front of me by a worried looking Des, but the look on my face must have told her that I was not in any shape for a crowd so she silently left us alone and continued closing up the bar.

I swallowed a big gulp off water and winced as it went down before starting to croak in a silent whisper. "I don't know how to thank you. I don't even know you. But.. I just.."

"Schh sweetheart.. Just relax.. You don't have to explain to us.. "

A gentle warm hand tilted my face up and those eyes turned into molten stormy gray. "We're just glad you were unharmed -" an icepack was slipped unto my neck and I groaned gratefully "-well.. almost unharmed.." the matching fierce voice behind me whispered.

And somehow I just knew. Nothing about it fit, but I knew that these perfect mirror images were not human. There was no way they could be, or I would still be in the hands of Laurent. I shuddered delicately at the thought. They were right. I had questions. Many questions. But the droop in my eyes and the natural fatigue from a rush of adrenaline was threatening to cut my time short with my saviors.

"Just rest my darling. We will keep you safe. We've got you." was the last thing I heard before sleep consumed me that night.

~*~

What I woke up with the next morning in my own bed was the sense that I had slept through the night for the first time in weeks. Blinking softly I turned my head and came face to face with my nightstand holding a glass of water with an envelope propped up against it and, blessedly, two aspirin.

After taking care of a slight headache that was building behind my eyes I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I looked in the mirror and saw that my face had been cleaned of makeup my contacts had been taken out. It was startling, but I was grateful none the less for the care. My hoodie was hanging in my shower to dry and I noticed they had also taken off my shoes. I smiled softly and finished brushing my teeth before taking a quick shower to clean off the rest of the previous night.

Slipping a towel around my hair and one around my body I went back to bed and propped myself up against the headboard before slipping open the letter.

_Sweetheart,_

_We could not bare to wake you as you had been through an ordeal so we took you home. We hope we did not overstep any boundaries but we felt that you should be more comfortable this way. Des cleaned the scrapes on your hands before we took you home._

_We hope we can see you again, sweetheart, because we know you must have as many questions as we have._

_We will be at the bar tonight waiting if you wish this._

_Yours, _

_D and L_

A telephone number was at the bottom of the page.

I slipped into the bathroom and grabbed my cellphone and threw myself back onto the bed to program in the number before writing up a quick text.

_-Would rather not go back just yet, but would like to meet. Come here for dinner? Six OK? -R_

The answer came almost instantly

_- Understandable. We will be there. -D & L_

That night I dressed much like the day before, jeans, long sleeved purple t-shirt and kept my hair down. I decided to forgo the contacts as I had nothing to hide anymore in terms of how the fire had ruined my appearance. After some thought I decided to cook steak with baked potatoes as I already had that in my fridge and started to mentally prepare for my life to change again.

I never thought I would be back. Life turning full circle.

They showed up at the door, wearing matching grins and a bottle of wine and I invited them in. I tried not to be obvious in my stumble when the rush of the night before invaded my mind. Red eyes flashed before me, but I swallowed it down.

They introduced themselves as Dray and Ladon Luna, flashing me mirrored grins they started talking a mile a mile a minute about everything and nothing.

Dinner was eaten with light conversation about music and books and they helped me with the dishes afterwards.

Somehow over the course of dinner I had learned to tell them apart. That was mostly because Dray kept pushing his slightly long hair behind his ears and Ladon seemed to keep it in front, falling into his eyes, most of the time.

They were tall, with a lanky yet, slightly muscle toned bodies, white-blond hair just kissing the edge of their jaws and cut in a choppy, messy look that I am still not sure if they do themselves or not

The way they moved was fascinating. They seemed to revolve around each other, almost always touching, like they were one entity. Like one person but in separate bodies. Dray moved like soft silk, smooth and flowing with each step, where Ladon moved like gentle shadows, quietly and hidden. The two were so alike, yet so very different. It seemed as if they truly were unable to be without the other. I even got used to the chopped way they spoke. Always speaking as one, the sentences being finished by the opposite of who had started.

Only when I was putting the last dish on the shelf did I realize that they had eaten.

I turned on them and blinked.

"How?.. What.. erm.. I mean.. "

Dray took my hand and twined our fingers together. "Let us get comfortable on the sofa shall we luv?"

"Then we can proceed to the Q&A part of our evening." Their bright open smiles calmed me and I followed them into the living room where I was once again sandwiched between them.

I tried to gather my thoughts, taking deep breaths while trying to figure out how to phrase and structure the jumble of thoughts and questions in my head, but I just ended up blurting it out. "What are you..?"

I slapped my hand across my mouth in startled chagrin and stammered a muffled apology through my fingers before closing my eyes to hide my shame. I felt a blush blossoming on my cheeks so I brought my knees up and hid my face behind them.

A duet of soft midnight chocolate chuckles erupted from both of my sides, flowing over my spine and relaxing the death grip I had on my legs.

"Don't worry so much luv -"

"we'll tell you everything if you promise to-"

"tell us your story."

At my nod they launched into their tale. They told me what they knew about themselves. They could only remember always being together. Apparently their mother was human and their father, they assumed, was a vampire.

I tried to wrap my mind around it, but I just ended up giving up in favor of hearing their tale.

Their soft accents had clued me in, but the confirmed that they were indeed British. They told me of how they had been living off small creatures in a forest they were born in, later moving up to livestock as they grew, which was apparently very quickly. They had started to work as farm hands when they were around three and lived with a kind elderly couple.

At my questioning gaze they explained that they had found they could live on both food as well as "liquid diet" as they put it. Thankfully the couple were both blind so the rapid pace they grew at never became an issue and they were so thankful to have help they never asked many questions.

Dray and Ladon had somehow educated themselves when they were children and had never felt it a hardship. Neither would really answer my question about their age out of fear of scaring me.

I snorted inwardly and thought of Carlisle at that moment but kept it to myself because I did not want to bring it up before it was necessary. They had met many like the Cullens, The Cold Ones, but never one such as themselves.

Half breeds.

I to this day still do not understand how such a thing is possible, but the proof of such a union between species' was sitting on either side of me, their hands clasped across my lap. Somehow during their tale I had ended up sprawled across them, strong arms and bodies all around me.

Strangely, I never felt safer.

Dray with his hands untangling the knots in my hair and running his fingers across my scalp and Ladons fingers drawing soft sooting circles across my spine and shoulder blades each time my body would become tense.

After a long while they both became quiet and when Ladon started running his fingers across the slightly chilled scar on my hand I realized that I would soon be time for me to tell my tale.

I got up from my comfortable spot and crossed the room. I turned my head and smiled to reassure them that I was coming back before going into the bedroom to change my clothes. I took a Xanax and calmed my breathing before turning back towards the door.

I came back having changed into a wife beater underneath another hoodie and I went into the kitchen to grab three cans of soda. When I returned to the living room they were speaking softly to each other, their hands clasped and fingers twined. Their knees were touching and somehow I felt like I was intruding, but when they turned their heads and gave me a smile while pushing apart to make room I felt more sure that somehow I was not unwanted. I saw the questions in their eyes, but I somehow knew they were respecting my need to tell the story at my pace.

So I did.

I told them of moving to Forks to live with my father and small tales of how life had been in Phoenix before. I was pulled into Ladon's lap and Dray moved so they sat shoulder to shoulder, one twin with his arm around my shoulder, the other running his hand soothingly up and down my calves, the fingers on their other hands twined on my lap.

I told them of meeting the Cullens and how life was with them at the beginning. Edwards visits to my room and the way he was. His control, his suffering, our tentative relationship. The fierce way I had loved him. Then I told them about the family; Alice and her bouncy personality, Jaspers quiet strength, Emmett's brotherly affection and boisterous joy for life, Rosalie's cold detachment, Esme's motherly and never ending capacity for love and acceptance and finally Carlisle and how he had struggled to perfect his control, how many people he helped, his compassion and respect for all things living.

I told them of their diet and how they lived, going through each town under a cloudy cover, constantly in the rain and shadows to protect themselves and the humans around them.

The conversation with Jacob, the night in Port Angeles, special abilities, the swirling topaz of their eyes – each different, but still the same testimony to their choice, Vampire baseball, the nomads, the hunt, my mistake and betrayal and James biting me. Edwards struggle to stop when he had tasted my blood, so much more potent to him than anyone else.

I took a deep breath and balled up my hands when I told them of my birthday. The birthday that ruined it all.

They seemed to quietly agree with my assessment of the night. But did not comment except stroking me and once kissing my forehead in silent reassurance.

When I told them of the last time I had seen _Him_ they both went rigid, the tension flowing off them in waves, but they kept quiet and wiped the few silent tears that escaped my eyes. I knew that I had loved him. My first love. But after many hours of quiet reflexion I had come to terms with the fact that Edward had never loved me as I loved him. I believe he cared, but love in a vampire is eternal, life changing, and in a being that does not change, meeting ones mate remakes their universe.

A vampire cannot leave their mate.

I felt them nodding in agreement, but did not comment further on it. I did not feel it was any of my business if they had mates or not.

I took a deep breath and told them of my last Christmas with my family. Curling into a ball in Ladon's lap I told them everything. The dinner, leaving the room for 10 minutes to call Jake to wish him a merry Christmas, coming back to find Sue, Charlie, Renee and Phil dead in a sea of flames, the flash of red hair and what I thought it meant.

My long stay at the hospital.

I slipped off my hoodie and for the first time in three years I let someone see my scars. The burns on my back, shoulders and down my right arm had been extensive and had left me with something I would never be able to get rid of. I tried not to flinch when I felt fingertips gently caressing my skin, but I did put back my hoodie and zipped it up, hiding myself from view. As always.

"That's what happened to your eye isn't it sweetheart?"

I nodded and lowered my lids only to let a breath I did not know I was holding go when I felt first one set of lips then another softly press against my ruined side.

My left eye had been damaged in the fire because of the heat. The doctors had told me that I was lucky to still have my sight on that side, but I had lost pigmentation in my iris which had left me with mismatched eyes: one chocolate brown and one startlingly white.

Thankfully colored contacts had saved me from the inevitable stares of strangers and the scars could be covered up with clothing. Chicago summers unfortunately is something one must suffer through: unbearably warm, thunderstorms and rain. Long sleeved shirts in summer almost attracts as much attention as a new resident in a small town, which rewarded me a duet of low chuckles when I phrased it exactly so.

I told them of changing my name, moving to Chicago and my job at the university radio station.

I took a deep breath and we patched the story of last night together from me leaving the bar to Laurent's confirmation of Victoria's crime against me, their rescue of me and Laurent's following death. I was rubbing my hands together when a question popped into my head.

"How is it possible you did not react from me scraping my hands? I know there was blood."

Dray smiled and kissed my palm, Ladon bringing the opposite hand up to place a similar soft kiss on it. "It was alluring luv, no question about it, be we-"

"can control it. You smell delightful sweetheart, but fear not. We are not as-"

"easily overcome as our full blood cousins."

I snuggled into the embrace I was in and relaxed slightly, a tension I did not know I had in my body slightly seeping out and away. Somehow I felt they were having a silent conversation, but I kept my eyes closed and started drawing patterns on Dray's hand and on Ladon's knee.

~*~

The next thing I registered was waking up with a knot in my neck, feeling very warm and well rested. I carefully peeled my eyes open and was greeted with the sight of the twins sleeping deeply on my couch, me splayed across their laps. Dray's head was leaning on his twins shoulder, Ladon's head resting on top of the one that matched his own. I lay there and watched them for a while, replaying the night before.

I managed to slip myself off of the couch without waking either of them and I decided to make breakfast for my two, hopefully, new friends.

20 minutes later I opened the door finding that they had slipped into a vertical position, Dray resting in the crook of his twins arm, his head on his chest, their legs tangled. They looked perfect like that. Two parts of a whole, a puzzle fitted together. I smiled softly observing them as they slept for a few moments before I decided to wake them.

After a few minutes of confusion, which I recognized as the same I had felt about a half an hour earlier, they both stretched and joined me in the kitchen. Coffee, juice, toast, eggs and bacon was happily consumed while they questioned me further about hobbies and dreams.

That morning led to many hours, days, weekends, vacations and phone calls over the following year in which they took me dancing, took photographs, taught me how to play the guitar and they took me back to the bar many times.

Des had, after learning from the twins that I worked for the college radio station, convinced me to work at the bar on weekends as a DJ.

I found myself on the front row every Friday night supporting my matching pair as they performed on stage and they did the same for me on Saturdays. They would always grab my hand and pull me from my quiet booth, sandwiching me between them while flashing me mischievous smiles as they spun themselves and me around the dance floor.

~*~

The water suddenly going cold brought me out of my musings of the past and reminded me of the real and current world. I yelped a bit before turning off the water and doing a quick shake of my hair before wrapping it up in a towel.

The original and first photograph of me and the troublesome twosome was taken by Des at the bar on our one-week anniversary. They had lifted me on top of the bar to sit and squeezed me in between them, lining our faces up. It was a horrible photo, but the memory made it priceless.

I slipped on my jeans, donned a white Henley shirt and one of Dray's Oxfords with a belt around my waist and started drying my hair. After brushing, blow drying and styling my hair, I applied my make-up, slipped in my contact and ran towards the door when I heard the familiar rhythmic knocking of the duo.

Ridiculously eager and not caring one bit I ripped the door open and there my boys were.

Bright grins, eager eyes, disheveled hair, both standing with their hands behind their backs, standing shoulder to shoulder and both looking like the cat that ate the canary. Dray bit his bottom lip and turned to his twin as his mirror did the same. The gesture might have unnerved me in the past, but their flawless coordination, unending affection and silent conversations were just a part of everyday life.

"We know that it's not your birthday until tomorrow luv, but we-"

"just couldn't wait any longer and you need to get-"

"used to holding it before tomorrow."

With no further ado they both turned their heads towards me and each thrusting a big package towards me they, for the second time in a year, crooned Stevie Wonders "Happy Birthday" at me. It soon morphed into "Isn't she Lovely" until my cheeks were pink and flushed and I forcibly made them stop by covering their mouths with my hands.

I was rewarded with being held there and given synchronized licks and nibbles before I ripped my hands free and threw my arms around their necks, bringing their heads together and giving them a sloppy peck on the lips at the same time.

They beamed and tried to push their burdens into my hands.

"What is this?"

I playfully glared at them and gave a huff. I had learned to appreciate gifts over the years, but the size and shape of these particular ones made me suspicious.

"We are going-"

"to the bar tomorrow and you'll-"

"need one of these on the trip."

I led them into the living room and sat down, putting the packages into my lap. I bit my lip and ripped off the paper, revealing a plain cardboard box. Inside I found a ivy white Fender Strat guitar that made my eyes bulge.

"The amp is at home." Dray grinned and nodded in agreement with his twin.

"This is too much you guys.." I fell silent when I saw their smiles fall, instead deciding to open the next one. Another guitar, this one acoustic and royal blue with silver trim.

"Two guitars. Boys.. "

They grinned and slipped the boxes off my lap, sandwiching me tightly. The excitement rolled off them in waves and a sense of dread washed over me.

"You're going to-"

"perform with us tomorrow!"

Fuck. Me. Sideways.

I'm going to kill those two!


	4. Chapter 3: Jasper

**A/N** Now I know I said you'd have to wait a few chapters for Jasper, but I just couldn't help myself. I just went to see Eclipse the other day and Jackson Rathbone (swoon by the way) woke up my muse. I was told to bring on the Texan, so here he is.

Review please, I wanna know if I'm confusing or anything else. I'm a first time writer, so anything helps really, just please be kind and not rag too much on me. English is not even my first language, so errors are to be expected, when I don't have a beta.

I'm wondering if I should keep things in Bella's POV, or if you enjoy it coming from Jasper as well. Keep me informed lovelies, and as always I bow down to you for even looking at my things. **grins stupidly**

* * *

**Jasper**

I never thought that a single moment could change the course of my existence. I should have known better, but I suppose even with almost 200 years of experience one can still be caught off guard. A single moment where I let my guard down, a single moment of clumsiness from a human girl that my family and I had come to adore, a single drop of blood.

Peter always told me that life can change in an instant and after over half a century with Alice I should know that any decision, any instant can change the entire course of ones future - ones destiny is only as solid as the next word, moment, decision - the next mistake.

On that fateful day, where my life changed, my choice was to keep my distance. Edward had warned me earlier that year to stay away from her. His mistrust was nothing new. Despite the fact that he too was no angel he always felt superior.

I know he would attempt to deny it if I ever voiced this, but I knew. His emotions always betrayed him when he saw me struggle slightly during school hours or if I caught a whiff of human scent while hunting. His exasperation and contempt was exhausting, discouraging and depressing, but as earlier mentioned: nothing new.

I am now ashamed to admit it, but at the time I was slightly smug when Bella's presence in my mind- reading brothers' life made him doubt himself and his part in the grand scheme of things. His Victorian outlook on life was at times tiring and his self righteous view of himself was something that made me want to leave the house and never come back. I felt sorry for him in the beginning, but over the decades his brooding and self centered behavior was starting to get to not only me, but certain other members of the household.

I never did feel completely as part of the family. I was Alice's husband. Except for with Rosalie.

My darling sister, the one I always saw as my twin, and even posed as such with her, was what kept me together when Edwards contempt would overwhelm me.

Rosie.

She was so much like me and the respect I had for her was never ending. I know how her human life came to an end and despite my respect for human life I find what she did to those who did her wrong oddly fitting and fair. Such creatures should not be allowed to live, and that coming from a monster such as myself is saying a lot. She was a fierce friend and sister and would do anything within her power to protect, guide and nurture anyone she deemed worthy of her affection.

Everyone saw her as cold-hearted, but in reality she was just careful and held her own heart close as to not be broken again. She took one look at me and just knew that behind the red eyes and mangled exterior I would rip anyone apart who even contemplated touching her heart without her permission and she welcomed me with open arms.

My twin.

As Bella entered the family room I felt her guilt, annoyance and excitement and I just couldn't help but let a small chuckle escape my lips. Edwards head snapped in my direction and his anger hit me like a wrecking ball almost knocking me back. _I didn't mean to laugh Edward, I'm sorry. Her emotions are just so conflicting. _He nodded and turned back to Bella who was just handed the present from Rosie, Emmett and myself. A booming laughter erupted from the garage when she realized what Emmett was doing and with that the room was a mix of love and joyous feelings.

Ah Emmett.

He was a conflict in himself. His size and appearance was the first thing one would notice and I remember when I first met him. He came barreling into the living room, coming back from a hunting trip, and I tensed at once. His emotions were not threatening, but his sheer size and deathly appearance made me instantly remember the decades upon decades of war I had gone through. Alice had given me hope, but at that moment I wasn't so sure. Maybe she had made a mistake? That's until he looked at me and broke into a big goofy grin and asked me if I liked baseball. I must have looked like I felt because his laughter filled the room and he just shook his head. "Calm down brother, we need a good Catcher and someone who can run fast."

A simple creature my brother was, but no one could rival him in protectiveness and the ability to lighten up a room. He could make someone comfortable quicker than even I could with my empathic ability.

On that fateful day I stayed in the shadows of my adopted family's mansion and I just watched. I smiled at Bella when she arrived and although she was slightly hurt from the careful distance I felt a wave of understanding and adoration coming from her that made my smile a little wider and more genuine. The amount of love and acceptance that could reside in such a small human I will forever be in awe of. She has awoken the humanity in my family and the careful charade we have constructed over the years seem more genuine with each hour we spend with this fragile human. She has taught us so much without even knowing it.

I will never forgive myself for my moment of weakness. The moment I decided to bask in the love and adoration, the feelings of joy, excitement and curiosity emitting from my family. Deciding to let the emotions in the room fill me to my core was the biggest mistake of my eternity.

"shoot"

When that word was uttered, it was already too late. When Bella's finger sliced open and a tiny flicker of blood trickled out the whole room changed.

The moment the emotional climate in the room changed I was holding onto the edge, almost falling over and becoming deranged. I never should have let my defenses down. I never should have allowed myself the bliss I had kept at bay for all of those years.

The monster I had worked so hard to keep down, lock in and put into darkness roared and shook the cage. I had it under control. After the first initial lust of my family I took a step back, I stopped breathing, I closed my eyes and I kept my thoughts on Alice. My Alice. I had it under control. I knew I did. I bound myself tighter and prepared to leave the room, but at the moment I let my thoughts roam I felt another wave of lust and I can't tell you much of what happened in the following moments. The beast snarled and ripped and I was powerless to it's advances.

When the second wave of lust hit me it was overpowering. The need, the frustration, the desire flew at me combined with a blood lust so strong it threatened to push me to my knees and for a second I opened my eyes and gasped at the sight before me.

Bella

Her fragile body being flung through the air, crashing into the carefully constructed deception of plates and cake my Alice had put up. The glass piercing and slashing at her creamy white human skin, the blood gushing from the gashes. That gasp was my undoing. The air that filled my throat, the burn that scorched me broke the monster free from it's confines. All I knew was what the beast within wanted and nothing would stand in its way.

As I came to my senses I found myself outside and the emotions crashed into me: disappointment, anger, hatred, resentment, fear and.. guilt? I looked up and my eyes flashed from one person to another, all of their eyes trained on me as they took deep unnecessary breaths to try and calm the fire in their throats. I could feel Carlisle's concentration from inside and the soft murmur of a conversation.

Then it hit me. What I had done. I tried to let myself fall to the ground but the strong arms of my brother and sister were keeping me up. Restraining me.

"I'm sorry. What have I done. Please.. Please forgive me. I have to.. I can't.. I couldn't. I felt. All of you." I was rambling and I knew I was, but the words kept falling from my mouth at a rapid pace.

My sister, my twin in so many ways looked into my eyes and nodded. She knew. She understood. Her hands fell onto my face and she kissed my forehead and the compassion poured out of her. I wanted to cling to her, I knew my eyes must have been huge – I was mentally begging for her to fix it all. Understanding and empathy mixed into the cocktail and I felt rather than heard her explain the situation to Emmett. Realization, guilt, embarrassment, understanding hit me and he finally let me fall to my knees on the ground.

I heard another soft conversation inside, but the words muddled together as Esme came outside. The unshed tears of venom glistening in her eyes, but she didn't resent me. She didn't need to be told what happened. She understood.

"A mother just knows" she whispered softly as she fell down beside me and wrapped her arms around my neck, her dry sobs wracking through her body.

I made the person who was my mother for all intents and purposes cry. I adored this woman and her strength and love was a constant relief for me and I never even told her. She never judged me. She never felt anything but understanding and concern when the lifestyle was straining or difficult for me.

It made no sense that a woman who was 100 years my junior could make me feel so secure but she did. My arms flew around her tiny frame and I crushed her to me. "I'm so sorry Mom" I whispered so softly only she could hear and she froze slightly before another round of sobs shook through her. Surprise, delight, love, understanding, happiness, guilt and a fierce round of protectiveness flew through her at a pace that left me dazed as I felt her hands comb through my hair, her blunt nails scraping across my scalp.

"Jasper"

I looked up and saw her. My angel. My love. The woman who had saved me, given me hope. She would understand. She would help me and support me when I had to look into Edwards eyes and admit my weak moment. Admit that I let my guard down for a second.

And then I felt it: Hatred, resentment, fear, determination and guilt.

"A-alice?"

What I saw in her eyes was something I never thought I would see in those bright shiny orbs;

Coldness.

"We're done, Jasper. It's over. I can't keep doing this to myself. I was sure we were forever, but I see now that it's just not the case. I can't keep babysitting you. You bring me nothing but misery and I can't take it anymore. I can't keep spending every second looking for paths we shouldn't take. It's exhausting."

I felt cold. Colder than I had ever felt since the day I met Maria. The moments on the battlefield in my human years during a snowstorm was nothing compared to the shiver that ran through my body at the sight of my angel and the words that spilled from her lips.

Guilt, resentment, resignation.

"Why are you doing this Alice?" Suddenly I felt the rage boiling from Rose, Esme and Emmett as they sat down on the ground around me. Emmetts strong hand clapped down on my shoulder, my sisters delicate fingers weaved through mine and Esme's back straightened, her arms still around me. I never felt so many conflicting things at the same time as I did at that moment.

My angel. My love. My Alice was leaving me.

"I told you Jasper" Something flashed in her eyes before they settled on mine. "I'm not your keeper and if you can't control yourself I wont let you ruin my life anymore than you already have"

I felt the low growl in Esme's throat before the sound even left her tiny form.

In a flash Rose had lept to her feet and almost crashed into Alice. "You dare say that to him? After all he has done for you, after all he has changed and molded to fit you. The man you brought to this family is gone, only a shadow of the amazing creature I met that day remains in his place. He has done nothing but bend to your will and do everything for you to make you happy and you treat him this way? You know just as well as I that what happened in there had nothing to do with his control!"

She was right.

The fierce monster Maria had created so many years ago had given way to a creature I could hardly recognize as myself. I knew I would never go back to what I had been, but at that moment I realized that I had become a very different kind of beast over the decades. I had been so lost in the hope that Alice would be my savior and believed that she knew what was best that I had let her take control, let her decide everything for me. Control _me_.

I was her puppet on a string. Her rag doll.

I knew now why I had allowed myself to feel the sweet caress of the emotions in that room. The feelings were so rare these days that I hardly recognized them anymore. The feelings of love I had not felt for a while. Even in the presence of Alice.

They had been replaced by exasperation, resentment and familial adoration. I shook myself and raised my head look at the woman I thought would be my eternity, my bliss and destiny and I felt myself snarl before I could stop myself.

I knew what she saw in my eyes and I welcomed the fear that coursed through her. I felt a spike of anxiety from the woman who held me in her arms and I sent her a wave of calm and adoration followed by sincerity.

"I wont harm her mom" I whispered and kissed Esme's cheek.

I passed my siblings and stopped in front of my wife, before leaned in close. Her breath hitched as I kissed her cheek and I felt another wave of guilt coming from the tiny elfin creature before me as I whispered, my breath washing against the shell of her ear: "I wont complain if you want to leave me or even put up a fight, but Alice, my sweet, you will be honest. Don't tell me I've ruined your life or kept you down. You're the one who took me over the day you met me. You wont even let me dress myself woman. And the worst part is that I've let you. I've let you turn me into somethin' I am not to make you happy. In my desperation for acceptance I have gained nothin' when it comes to you. I have become a shell of myself and I have no one to blame but myself. Rosie is right. I love you Alice and I always will, for the light you shone on my life and made me understand that the path I was on could be changed, but you're right. It's over."

I kept my voice kind and soft, the southern drawl she made me repress long ago was making a reappearance. I raised myself up to my full height, my shoulders no longer slumped, my head held high as I towered over her. I combed my fingers through my hair, the sticky gel, the pixie had slathered onto my hair to tame it, falling in flakes as I let it fall in their natural curls around my head and raised my face to the sky. I smiled and let the light trickle of Forks rain spray on my face as a soft sigh escaped my lips.

In an instant I felt a spike of lust and my head snapped down. That was something I hadn't felt from Alice in years. I cocked my head to the side and raised my eyebrow to her in a silent question.

With a sheepish and horrified look on her face she turned and walked towards the back door, meeting Edward. I could see the silent conversation going on between them, the emotions flashing through them at a rapid pace; anguish, concern, realization, resentment, understanding, guilt, love, guilt again, before settling on resignation. I was definitely confused but decided it didn't matter.

I felt my sisters presence before her fingers weaved through mine and her head rested on my shoulder. I squeezed her fingers quickly in a silent thank you and she nodded against me, a soft sigh leaving her. I felt her love, her pride and her awe and it wrapped around me like a blanket. My dead silent heart swelled a bit.

"I'm gonna drive Bella home and then you're leaving" I turned my head and both felt and saw the anguish and resignation in Edward. "We all are. She'll never be safe with us. I love her, but it's just not enough to keep her safe. Even from my family -" he looked at me "even from myself."

_What will you tell her? _I asked him silently, not trusting my voice as the words sank in.

Edward's head snapped up and his eyes settled on mine once again "I'll tell her whatever is necessary. Whatever it takes. Her life is far too precious to gamble with. No one is to contact her once we are gone. Better for her to forget all about us and live a normal life. Any life with us will see her get hurt or killed. Her life is worth whatever price we have to pay."

As he turned and walked back towards the house I had to catch Esme before she crashed to the ground. The sound of her dry sobs bounced off the clearing. If she could cry she would have, but even her body wouldn't give her the release of tears. The anguish and heartbreak flowed freely from my family and it overwhelmed me. My knees gave out, my mouth dropped open and the last thing I remember before everything went black was an ear piercing wail I later realized was my own.

I came to hours later with the feeling of fingers combing through my hair. I hummed and smiled softly. My sister.

Then it all came crashing back to me and I cringed in memory of the pure anguish I had felt pouring from my beloved family. My mother. I knew heartbreak when it felt it, and Edwards demands would have killed her if she had been human.

I always knew Edward and I would never get along, but to force his mother to chose between her children is cruel and vicious.

The next few days were spent packing up the important items and personal belongings that could not be replaced. I surprised myself when I realized that the break from Alice gave me a surge of peace. I knew that she was right: we were never to be forever and I could not even bother to regret it or even bring myself to care if she did.

I was free.

I knew I had changed back to who I was the moment my soon-to-be ex-wife had dropped the bomb on me. When I looked in the mirror I saw a man I had not seen for over half a century – Jasper Whitlock.

While the house was being settled and Carlisle resigned his position at the local hospital I spent some time in quiet contemplation. What would the next step be? I could never leave and cut the ties to the family, but I felt that I needed some time to get back to being me again.

Rosalie found me sitting in my closet surrounded by designer slacks and tailored button downs, holding my old battered leather boots. She quietly sat down next to me and waited for me to acknowledge her.

When I looked up she smiled softly and started speaking as if she had read my mind. She knows me so well.

"I know that you need time to think and to figure out what life will bring you now my darling brother. And I know that you can't do that with us. But.. I need something from you before you do leave us. I never want to stop being your sister, even if it's not by blood or venom. Can I..-"

I stopped her before she had a chance to finish and gave her a hug before turning to gather the papers I had received earlier that morning. I handed her an envelope and waited.

Inside was the full identity of Rosalie Emily Whitlock, born on the 15th of September 1988, daughter of Adam William Whitlock and Mary Laura Whitlock. (both deceased) Twin brother to Jasper Adam Whitlock. Adopted by Esme Emma Cullen and Carlisle Daniel Cullen at age 12.

The only answer I got was a bone crushing hug and quiet delighted sobs.

In the package I received was also the divorce papers of Alice Mary Cullen and Jasper William Hale.

It was finished. It was over and I was free.

I let my sister go and grinned as I got up and went into my closet. I pulled out a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt before I ripped off the beige slacks and white Oxford Alice had stuffed into my already overfilled closet. I toed off the loafers Alice had bought me, slipped the jeans and t-shirt on before I pulled on my well-used boots. They smelled of Texas dust and worn leather and felt like home.

I tousled up my hair, letting it flop into my face and turned to Rosalie. She had a huge beaming smile on her face.

"Now that is my brother!"

She lept into my arms and giggled wildly as she started dancing around me. The joy in her laughs attracted the attention of the household and soon the doorway was filled with every member of my family except Edward, who was, in all probability brooding outside of Bella's window at that very moment.

As they all took me in I almost laughed at the mixture of expressions on their faces and the matching emotions were almost like a roller coaster. Predictably Alice looked horrified, Carlisle looked amused, Esme's face was filled with pride and Emmett face erupted in a massive grin, his dimples out in full force.

"Hells yeah brother! That's what I'm talking about!" Emmett was almost bouncing on the balls of his feet in excitement.

"Language Emmett.." Esme scolded automatically, but the fondness in her voice was giving away the fact that his delight was contagious.

"Emmett my brother I would like to introduce you to someone." I grinned at Rosalie and my grin only grew when I felt his confusion.

"My sister, Rosalie Whitlock." I chuckled slightly and ran my hand through my hair, when Emmett came forward, very formally introducing himself before beaming and kissing the needed breath out of my sister.

"I have decided that I'm leavin'." Chock and anguish registered before I flitted to Esme and embraced her. "I am not leavin' for good Mom. I'm just gonna get a change of scenery. I need some time to figure everything out. I would never leave you for good. Any of you. I would never return to what I was before. The strength and trust you have given me would never allow me to disappoint you again." I looked into the eyes of Carlisle as I said the last bit. His eyes gleamed with unshed venomis tears and pride radiated off him in waves.

Two hours later I finally got the call I knew would come. I flipped open my phone and grinned hugely when I was greeted by a voice I hadn't heard for a year. "When ya gonna be here Major?"

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**A/N **Reviews are like Jasper Whitlock coming back, wearing tight jeans and cowboy boots: it makes my muse tingly.


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